this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
