Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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