just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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