I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
