Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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