im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
