so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
