there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
