You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
