why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
