I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
