So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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