I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
