I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
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He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
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I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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