VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
