is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
