my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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