im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
