i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
