If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
