I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
