Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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