I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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