apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
