I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
