Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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