she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
