I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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