Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
