yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I have aggressive nipples.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
