I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
