Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
