New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
