so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
