this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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