I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
