I got chris browned last night
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
