he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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