Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
