She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
