So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
