can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
