i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
