I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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