I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
