whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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