Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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