Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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