I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
