if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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