dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
