Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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