Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
