Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
