How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
