Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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