i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize