i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
