respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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