We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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