She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
