Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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