Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
