Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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