need another drink. this is the easiest way
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
