I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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