arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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