i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
