he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
