i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
