addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
