We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
