Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
