Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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