I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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