I'm really into asian looking animals
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
