New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
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