I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
