If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
50% drunk capacity currently
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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