So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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