Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
