would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
