I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
