I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
