i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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