Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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