I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
