dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
